Inspirations

I was just reading the early blog posts from my friend who inspired me to start this blog. I have to say that I wish I could put myself out there like my friend. I feel a lot of the same things, have many similar fears and feel anxious about what the future holds. My friend and I are both committed to blogging right now and I hope we both continue on a regular basis, even if it's not on a daily basis, at least regular enough to examine our feelings and find what we are looking for in our lives.

Other than a regular job, I'm not sure what I'm looking for right now and, in part, I decided to start blogging in hopes of finding some answers for myself. Whether that will come to fruition remains to be seen. However, hope springs eternal.

I'm not a creative writer, something my friend is and I wish I could be. My writing style is very technical in nature and, to that extent, I'm looking for inspiration. My friend has inspired me to start writing, well, at least blogging. I have 14 pages of what amounts to a journal just working on one issue in my life. It may help resolve some other issues but the main focus takes up much of my thoughts. My friend could probably help me sort through that main issue but this friend has other issues of greater importance than my problems. If anyone ever sees my journal, it would be L, because L would understand.

I've always worked through my own problems and, for many years it was easier to do knowing I had my mom for support. She couldn't give my sisters and I everything we wanted, but she gave us what we needed. I cannot image a kinder, gentler or more caring person than her. Since my mom passed, I can reflect and see that I've had greater problems dealing with my issues but none more so than in recent months. I had never visited her grave, after her passing just over nine years ago, until this past year. I've been there three times and all three times I've cried, but come away feeling better. She, too, is an inspiration and still an influence.

So, to my mother, thank you for all you ever did for me. You did a great job of raising three kids and I don't think I ever told you how much I truly loved you and admired you for what you did.

To L, I hope to see you again soon. I'm finding that I feel a lot of what you have felt over the years and exploring those feelings may help. Reading your outpourings of feelings is cathartic and I really hope we can, someday, discuss these things at length. I now feel like I'm on a journey. Where it will lead, where it will take me and where it will end are all unknowns. But I'm on my way.

I need some music right now. This is a song that, after seeing my mom for the last time, I listened to over and over for two-plus hours on the drive home. It speaks to me of how hard it is to say goodbye.

http://www.last.fm/music/John+Mellencamp/_/Farewell+Angelina

In the upper right corner of this page is a tool bar and you can press the play button to listen to the song. To my knowledge, no video of it is available.